Ladies and Gentlemen, Boy and Girls.

20 reasons to smile today:

1. You woke up before your alarm
2. Your favorite song comes on while you get ready (Pop goes the world)
3. The birds are singing right outside your window
4. Finding money in your old jeans pocket
5. Recieving a text from that person you have been thinking about all day
6. Giving a hug to your mom
7. Remembering an old joke
8. Friends that make you laugh
9. Knowing that you made a persons day, just by being yourself
10. Letting your feet hang over the water
11. Sitting in the sun
12. Looking at old photos
13. Finding old letters
14. Doing an anonymous good deed for someone
15. Knowing that you made someone blush
16. Having an old friend contact you out of the blue
17.  Seeing a lil kid doing something insanely cute
18.  When you realize you were singing in public
19.  When your friends go outa their way to make you smile
20. When you make someone else smile

The light inside me, will never be estinguished.

   Well, after two years of waiting... The results are in. Sadly, I didn't get accepted to United World Colleges. It's been over 24hours since I found out, but it still stings.  I know life is about putting yourself on the line, risking everything to achieve your dreams... But what happens when you don't make it? Does that mean that you're not good enough? Everyone around me; my friends, my family, are speechless. They look at me with pity, with confusion. They don't understand it either. They are waiting for me to cry, but I can't cry any longer. They wait for me to scream words of hate and anger, but I feel no anger. They all asume that my inner fire has been estinguished... But it hasn't. Deep inside me, my wick is still alight. It may not be a huge flame right now, but it's still on fire.

  I am not going to dwell on this bump on the road of my life. It is only an obsticle after all. Life will go on, I will continue to put my entire self into everything I do. I will live each day to the fullest, embracing life and the opportunities it gives me. If anything, not getting into UWC will only drive me to do better in life, to exceed others expectations and my own. With or without them, I will make a difference in the world.

  A special thank you to all of my friends and my family, that have been completely supportive while I handled all of this. You guys have been so supportive this whole time, believing in me when I couldn't. Without you guys, I wouldn't even be half of the person I am now. You have always believed in me and all of my dreams. Because of you, I will never give up on my dreams. I love you all so much.

QOTB: Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside of you that is greater than any obstacle.

Let's believe.

I believe,
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe,
That even when you think you have no more to give, when a loved one cries out to you- you will find the will to help.

I believe,
That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe,
That sometimes the person you expected to kick you when you fall down, will be the ones that will help you back up.

I believe,
That true friendship continues to grown, even over the longest distance.

I believe,
That there is someone out there for everyone.

I believe,
That we all have the ability to change someone's life with nothing more than a kind gesture.

I believe,
That we all have the ability to make our dreams come true.

I believe,
That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe,
That the past is behind us, with love in front and all around us.

All I need to believe, is a friend like you.

  A while ago, I got this email from one of my bestfriends in response to my blog post. No one has ever made me feel so confident to the fact that I can make a difference. This guys is the most amazing person I've ever met.. He is full of enough love to hold the entire world in his arms. He see's people for who they are and never lies, never takes anything or anyone for granted. He really appreciates everything people do for him and always see's the best in every situation. He is the most amazing person I've ever met and im so glad to call him my friend. Love you Curtis James Quinlan Horner and thankyou for making such a difference in my life. :)


My dear friend,


It may be true that indeed you havent been there very much. It is true that i truely miss you alot. but those few moments where you are there, i savour them. I know the stressful path that is laid before you, and i understand the massive burden that you bare, and im not mad at you in the least. I look at you and i smile, i think to myself, that is one determined girl who is persuing her lifes dream with every inch of her being and then some. it is truely admirable; inspirational. how many people do you know that are doing the same thing? nobody i know makes the kind of sacrifices that you make. you might think im against you because you're never there. but you're wrong, im behind you in this; in everything. I believe that you need someone to be there for you when you need them, who will not abandon you to deal with things alone. i wont leave you, i cant, you dont need imaginary friends Rachel, because you have a real one right before your eyes.
UWC is a big deal for you; the biggest deal and i have unbelieveable confidence in you, im not putting expectations on you because im not wanting you to fulfil my dream, i want you to do it because its wat you want to do. I know ur probably gonna hate me for saying this but... ok worst case scenario, you dont get in. Yes people will be dissapointed but it will be because they knew its wat you wanted. they will not dissown you, they will be proud of you with every fibre in their body. they will love you, your family will love you, I will love you no matter what happens. You shouldnt think about dissapointing everyone. you should be sooo damn proud of yourself for having a dream and persuing it. you can walk with your head held high knowing that you gave gave everything your best and then decided that wasnt good enough so u made your best even better. even if you dont get in you will change this world one way or another. there will be changes flyin left right and center that world wont know what to do with them all ;). You've already changed one persons world already and your only 16. You dont need UWC to make a difference, the UWC needs you love :). Your going to accomplish unbelieveable things in your life Rachel. I believe in you :). Try your best, ill be there to support you. rise to the top, and ill be there to help you celebrate. If you fall, ill be there to catch you, and congratulate you on a job well done.
Im sorry, this may not mean much comming from me... but i mean every word

Love you lots oxox

Your Eternal Friend

The Dork, Curtis James Quinlan Horner
Quote:

"you are unique like a brown skittle. because there has never been a brown skittle. and there shall never be another."

Alive.

K, well this is it.
   Tonight at midnight, UWC's doors close to applicants. If you application isn't in, your screwed. A part of me wishes that some people will have missed the dealine, but another part of me hopes that everyone who wanted to gets their application in. Now, we wait. We wait until they contact us. Telling us whether we got an interview or if we weren't even considered for one. Then, we go to the interview, do our lil bit, take part in a workshop or two and then we wait some more. We wont really know until May if were in or not. The suspense is going to kill me but the weight is lifted now. I can now relax. Focus on rebuilding my friendships that fell through the cracks, working on my personal hobbies like photography and do a lot more volunteering.

   *sighs* Im really worried. One of my buds A... She's going through a lot at the moment. I want to help her, let her know that im here for her.... But I don't know how. I know the cuts still fresh for her and I know I should give her some space... But im worried about her..
If you read this girlie... Know that I love you. All your friends here love you... If you don't want to be there anymore, come back home to us and we'll take care of you.




  I can't wait to get outa here. I feel as if it's too late for me to build new friendships or create new ones here. I feel as if this part of my life is done. Specially now that your not even talking to me... I need to get outa here. I need to be around people who think like I do and act like I do. Im going to Kenya now just so I can get out of here. I feel as if im in a room that is getting smaller and smaller....

I CAN'T BREATHE.

QOTB: Heaven is not a place that you go  when you die, it's the moment in life when you actually feel alive.

In the springtime, when the blossoms unfold.

Im Done! First semester is over. YES YES YES. Gosh, best thing thats happened to me all year (Cept you Bradleyyy).

But! Not much to catch up on. 3weeks until UWC applications are due. Im UBER nervous. Have been all depressed about it the past two weeks, worried about what would happen if I didn't get in, so ive been putting off the application. Im not very good at rejection with this kinda stuff. Makes me just wanna scream "SCREW U BABOONS". I really hope I get in though..

Am toats pumped for our week off school. Gunna spend some time with Brad and give him some VERY deserved TLC. He's been absolutly amazing with the past couple weeks. Ive been all the over the place with the stress of exams, nervousness bout UWC and stuff at home. He's always been there though. God bless that goofy guy.

Watched "Hope for Haiti" tonight with my mam. It's gotten me thinking on how in some ways it's kinda sad how people of reacted. Soon, once Haiti is somewhat back on it's feet, it's ovious that the people of the World will go back to their self absorbed lives. TO think it took a level 7 earthquake to wake the world up and make them unite so that we could help a poverty striken country. The thing is though... What about all the other problems in the world? Things like orphaned children because of AIDS and woman being brutally raped and murdered in the Congo is still going on everday... Where is all the needed aid for those situations? The thing is, people are paying attention to Haiti because they see it as a quick fix.. 6-12 months and Haiti will be off the nations news. But what about those people being affected by AIDS, war and poverty all over the world. Where are we when they cry to us for help? It happens everyday... Where are we when those children are dying in 3rd world countries from something as common as diarrhea? We must Unite, all of us and help make our world a better place. To help those that have been suffering for a long time...

BUT ON A HAPPIER NOTE. Im really happy for two of my buds Allie and Corinne.
Both have found themselves amazing boyfriends in the past year and I couldnt be happier for them. They are both fantastic girls and deserve it 100%. Good for you girls :)


QOTB:  Home is not where you live, but where they understand you.

Unique like a brown skittle

Gah! Have to write this down, cuz it just made my 2010 (even though 2010 is only two days old) CURTIS BABY. You are the best. When everyone's been going in and out of my life, you've stuck around. Whenever I've needed to vent, a shoulder to cry on, a hug to cheer me up or some inspirational words to keep me going towards my goal of UWC, you've been one of those people I could always count on! Me and you have been through a lot bud, we dated and yet we were still able to remain friends. Seeing how much you believe in me makes me believe in myself and reach for my goal even more. You are a fantastic friend and I hope we will be in eachothers lives until you are old and wrinkly (I won't be of course, due to botox), in our rocking chairs playing Wii! Your one in a kabillion babe and im one of the luckiest chicks in the world to be able to call you my friend :)
P.s. thanks for the quote bud :P

QOTB (quote of this blog): you are unique like a brown skittle. because there has never been a brown skittle. and there shall never be another.

A new start.

It's a new year. A fresh start, a clean slate. All the negaitive memories and actions from the past year can be left behind and forgotton, while all the positive ones an be brought forward into our new beginning. Look back over your last year. What are the things that you will be leaving behind in the past? What are the things that you will be bringing with you into the future? What will you do differently this year? What will you continue to do the same? There are so many questions we can ask ourselves.

When it comes to me, I know the answers to all of these questions. There are so many things i plan to leave in my past. Fueds with former friends, mistakes, selfishness, my tendancy to give up when it gets rough, my unwillingness to be social outside of school hours and a lot more. From now on, I will always be completely honest, no matter what the sitaution. From now on I will do my best to make time for my friends and from now on I will never give up, no matter how tough things get.

 This year is going to be one of the most important years of my life and I refuse to let it start out negitavely.

Quote of the day: Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get things right.

♫♪born in the arms of imaginary friends

   Today was a thinking day for me. One of those days where you take everything currently going on in your life right now, lay it out on your minds imaginary table and analize every friggen detail of each thing. It's exausting. Somethings you are satisfied with so you leave  them be, there are some you will spend very little time looking and at some that you will spend more time looking then the others. One thing that I spent a lot of time thinking about today was my friends. I realize that I haven't been a very good friend to any of my friends lately and for that I am truely sorry. This year has been a struggle for me. So much is on the line this year, basically this year will decide the difference between me living out my lifes dreams, or staying in Victoria and doing the same as everyone else. I want to make a difference, I want to change the world! I know it may feel that I am ditching you guys, but I just need to focus. All of my being is going into my goal for UWC and im making a lot of sacrifices to make it happen. Just remember that I love you all very much and if you can understand and wait until my application is in, then you are THE BEST FRIENDS EVER.

  Today I had a thought.. What happens if I don't get into UWC's? What will I do then? I refuse to go back to my local highschool... I could never face the people I would have let down if I didn't get in. I'd find it hard to be at home... For my family always believed in me with all their being.. I could never cope with it.... So im going to give it my all.


Quote of the day:
I will always be envious of the birds that fly high in the sky.
 

If it's going to be, it's up to me!

Today= Beyond damn words. So many amazing things happened. I realized how much I am in love, I realized how amazing my family is and I realized that the reality of UWC is NOW within arms reach.

WHERE TO START?! Well, Bradley since I know you are probs gunna be the first person to read this, im going to write about us first. Today was literly beyond words. I love how something I find like a second nature to do, you see as one of the most amazing acts of kindness ever. My goal in life is to help the less fortunate, so when I get down on the level of a homeless man, introduce myself to him and let him know that I notice him and that I care by offering him some comfort by getting him food... I love how you see how important acts of kindness are. We all must realize that we don't always need to give something... But even if we can just aknowledge the less fortunate and let them know that we care and want to help, whether it is through a smile, a kind word or a warm meal... It will make that persons day. We don't need to do it all, but if we all do something no matter how big or small, we could really get all the homeless off the streets.
(Btw Brad, today was one of my favorite days of my life so far. Te amo baby)

My family is amazing. They are all so supportive and I just know my dream for UWC is just as much as my dream as it is theirs for me. My mom came into my room tonight and told me that she moved our family out here so that we could be closer to UWC Canada. "Rach, I thought that if we moved out here then that was my way of putting my dream for you in your view. After that I knew it was your choice as to whether you would make the dream yours or not." LOVE YOU SO MUCH MOM.

Oh. and about UWC. Found out now that if I do get accepted I have ways of getting the whole $66,000 scholarship paid for. UWC IS FINALLY IN SIGHT PEOPLE! I can feel it, only two months until applications have to be in. It is no longer a want or a need to go to UWC's, its going to happen.

Quote of this blog (going to do this all the time starting now)

"IF IT'S GOING TO BE, IT'S UP TO ME!"

Like a maze.

Had a really good chat with a new friend tonight. During out conversation, he asked me what my opinion was on fate. Whether I believed  in what if's, or that our lifes already planned out. My personal opinion? I belive when god plans out our lives, he creates it like a maze. there will be dead ends, right ways to go and some not so smart ways to go. Only we can decide which path we decide to take. Only we can decide how we react when we are met with a dead end. Do you just sit down and admit defeat? Or do you go back and try to find a different path to take. Now, look back at your life. How many dead ends can you remember? Was it maybe as severe as a divorce in your family, or just a bad grade in a certian class. Did you raise the white flag? Or did you say "Im not going to let this stop me" and keep going?

So long, farewell (we'll miss you)

Today was not a good day. It started off alright, saw all my friends, got a 100% on my oral presentation in spanish (that I was up all night doing!) and then as I was in 2nd block and the announcements came on over the intercom, my day completely fell apart. Richard, this special needs boy from my school that I have send hours upon hours working with since March of last year.. Died over the weekend. I couldn't believe it. It was just Friday that I was spending time with him.. Talking to him, playing with him, watching him smile.. And now hes gone. I completely lost it.. Started crying in class to the point that I was in hysterics and that my teacher had to remove me from the class. Ended up just leaving school, I couldn't be around there. Walked the 20km home and it took a couple hours but I feel it was just what I needed. I was on the goose soI had the freedom to cry... to let myself express everything I was feeling.. I think it was exactly what I needed.

Richard Poole, I know your up in heaven with god now and I want to say that im going to miss you so much hunny, you really were one of gods wonderful gifts.

Just an ordinary day... MY ASS!

Today, as I was skipping class and walking down the hallway (don't tell my History teacher!) I ended up skillfully tripping over my big clown feet and doing a faceplant into the ground, spraying my books everywhere. A guy that was walking by bent down to help me and as I look up I fell in love. There, was a kid, with frizzy hair, those HUGE old fashioned glasses, suspenders and a "I <3 Einstein" Pin! (I have the same pin, go meee!) As he helped me pick up my books, we exchanged names and got to talking. Finally, ANOTHER nerd in my school! Here is a guy that is only 16 and spends his free time either tutoring others or taking extra classes at Camoson. We spent the next 30mins just standing there talking about Human Anatomy and Star Wars. It was AWESOME! Sadly, the guy wont be going to my school since he's already at a different highschool so I wont get to have him as a best budd :( But ya, was pretty great, especially when we started quoting Star Wars!!! (How I ever managed to get a boyfriend I have no idea). Totally the highlight of my MONTH! Othen thn that, it was pretty much a normal day. Slapped an ex really hard across the face, randomally shouted 'SEX' in the hallways to see how many people would turn their heads (all of them did!) and got called Munshkin by my Principle... Oh and the school secretary decided we should have code names for eachother. I haven't really decided on what I want mine to be yet... Who knows!