The way we are.

     This morning as I was taking the school bus to school, I groggily gazed out my window. A boy about my age was sitting on a bench, his face solemn and grim, as he looked forward, his eyes blank. A couple blocks later, we passed a man singing and humming to a tune playing on his Ipod. Seeing this man so open with his mood made me smile. These were two very different people with very different moods. As I thought of how my own mood has been lately; cranky, annoyed and I couldn’t help but think of how my mood must be affecting those around me. Did you know that it is about 17% of your mood that is transferred to everyone that you interact with? This fact makes me feel guilty. 17% of my crabby mood has been transferred to all of my friends, my family and all the people I have interacted with in the last 3 days. We must always be cautious of how our moods affect others, for sometimes it might end up ruining their meal, their hour or even their day.

   A lot has been going on. Recently has been my first time organizing a major fundraiser, and it has beeen a mess and somewhat a success and it hasn't even happened yet! I unno. Will write more about it once it is over. I hope it works out well. *crosses fingers*

Do it for us. But, what about for me?

   A smile creeps onto my face, the biggest one that's been there for a while. I can't really explain what caused it. Whether it was my latest fave song coming through my headphones, the fact that I faced a huge fear of mine today or the fact that things for us are back to normal... Or maybe it's all those reasons? Either way, im sure as hell glad for it. The way im feeling right now is the feeling you get when your high- as if nothing will touch you, nothing can bring your mood down and nothing will ever go wrong. I like this feeling. C:

  I've been doing a lot of thinking while i've been here and it's made me wonder.. Am I really capable of accomplishing all that I plan to do in the next year? Get into a UWC, raised $20k for my Service project to Kenya this summer, change someones life, etc. I really hope that I will be able to accomplish all of these things, so that I dont let my family, friends and myself down. For so long I've been doing what people have wanted me to do, whether it was applying to a certian school, working on a certian project or doing a certian favour for them... This holiday made me realize that I have forgotten what I truely want. What will truely make me happy. I guess it's why im having such a hard time coming to terms with things like UWC, me and you... It's because I know that you want it and I know that everyone wants me to go to UWC, but im not longer sure if it's what I want. When my mom talks about how she had known about UWC for years before I did and that it was one of the reasons we moved so close to Pearson it hurts me, because it makes me feel like it was her decision for my future instead of my own. I guess I just need a sign, a sign that UWC is a good decision for my future, something that I will truely want, rather then just what everyone wants for me.

*Sighs* It's true when they say the teenage years are the hardest.

QOTB: I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood.

Painted on my face, by the brush of truth.

   Was moved today by a very special person. He was an old Hawaiin who preaches his beliefs. "Our bills say in god we trust, but when was the last time the people in the White House read the bible?" "Woman are the more patient ones, for they had to wait 9months for their babies." As people listened, rolled their eyes and moved on, I sat down and just listened. Listened to what he had to say for nearly a hour.. Listened as he talked about life, death, pain, passion, peace. I sat on the grass in front of him, agreeing with everything that emerged from his mouth. Just as I was about to leave, he said something that made me feel as if he was talking to me and only me. " You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you'll discover will be wonderful. What you'll discover is yourself." Once he had said that, he closed his eyes and held out his hands.. I don't know what caused me to do it, but I stood up and took his hands in mine. "Thank you" was all I said. As I left to head back to my hotel, I looked back only once.. To see a small smile on his face.