Carpe Diem

Unpredictable. Ever-changing. Ever-moving. Life is funny like that.

Tonight, sitting in the University's library I look around me and think, what if?

What if I hadn't chosen this school?

What if I hadn't graduated?

What if I had never let go?

What if I hadn't left?

What if I had never opened my heart to love?

What if..... What if.

"Life too short to even care at all... I'm losing my mind, losing my mind, losing control."

Somedays, I break down and look back. I start to think about what my life would be like if I hadn't moved 5 years ago from  the very place that I knew as hell, to Victoria. I think about what would have happened if I had kept the same friends, if I hadn't gone to Africa, if I hadn't fallen in love. Who would I be then? Would I be even remotely similar to who I am now? Am I happy with who I am now? Is this the life I want for me?

We all do it. We all have a moment in our lives where we break down and ask ourselves, what if?

"If we don't move forward, we are just standing still."

We can ask ourselves what our lives would be like if we made different decisions, took different paths, met different people. In the end though, we will never know.


Life is unpredictable. There is no way we can know what could have happened.

Life is ever-changing. The things we used to want for ourselves change and evolve as we do.

Life is ever-moving. If we dwell on the past, we will miss out on the present.

All of us, myself included, must stop dwelling on the past and the what-ifs in life. We must accept that what could have been is gone, but what is and what could be is still alive. We must make the most of what is happening now, and dream for the future. What has been, was wonderful. What is, is incredible. What will be, well let's see shall we?

Carpe Diem. Seize the day.

Seize everyday, for the rest of your life.


QOTB: Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin. -Mother Teresa

Sign: "Need a ride to a new start"

   I have a lot of respect for my great grandma. Considering that she is almost 105, she is tough as nails. For years her only child has been pestering her, putting her down, and trying to do everything to move her out of her home, but yet my great grandma stood tall and told her to bugger off. "She always been a pain, so why should I show her any respect?" As my grandmother said this to me, I could do nothing but give her a look of disgust. My grandmother looks at her mom and rolls her eyes as she repeats herself, asking my brother and I the same questions she did only minutes ago. "How are you not bothered by it?" My grandmother asks, "Why do you put up with her asking you the same thing over and over again." Giving her my most respectful 'I hate your guts, but I'm gonna pretend to be the ideal grand-daughter' look, I just say, "Because grandmother, unlike you, she shows interest in our lives." The only response I got? My little brother yelling, "BURN".

Serves her right.

*sighs* Rant over. Three days into the holidays and I already miss school. It finally hit me this afternoon that this may be my last Christmas here in a long time.. With my family already talking about moving back to Brg.C, it's been a little rattling. Having lived here a little more than three years... I can honestly say it's the only place that has ever felt like home to me. I love V.Island. I love the ocean, the nature, the people, the community. For me, V.Island has been a gateway into a different world for me. So many opportunities have come up, giving me the chance to spread my wings and really be something. I can confidentially say that if we hadn't moved here, I wouldn't be the person I am. I have had the opportunity to meet some of the most amazing people here, whether it was through school, the shelter, Red cross or just around. Individuality is not rare here, it is a requirement... And as much as it makes me sad to know that soon I'll be leaving, I can't wait for the new opportunites that lay just beyond the horizon. Soon, I'll be on my own, making my own decisions, my own mistakes and my own memories. I will take everything I have ever learnt, experienced and cherished from V.Island with me to my new home... For even though living here has been just a short part of my life's path, it has helped shape me into who I am today.


QOTB:The past is a guidepost, not a hitching post.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boy and Girls.

20 reasons to smile today:

1. You woke up before your alarm
2. Your favorite song comes on while you get ready (Pop goes the world)
3. The birds are singing right outside your window
4. Finding money in your old jeans pocket
5. Recieving a text from that person you have been thinking about all day
6. Giving a hug to your mom
7. Remembering an old joke
8. Friends that make you laugh
9. Knowing that you made a persons day, just by being yourself
10. Letting your feet hang over the water
11. Sitting in the sun
12. Looking at old photos
13. Finding old letters
14. Doing an anonymous good deed for someone
15. Knowing that you made someone blush
16. Having an old friend contact you out of the blue
17.  Seeing a lil kid doing something insanely cute
18.  When you realize you were singing in public
19.  When your friends go outa their way to make you smile
20. When you make someone else smile

Dare to fly again.

To my fellow: Geeks, friends, assosiates, enemies, lunatics, cashew lovers and bloggers.

It's been a while! I didn't want to write unless I had something real to write about... I still don't, but I've got the urge to write.

  So. A lot has been going on. Last week I got back from a 4 day trip to Ottawa, for the Rotaries "Adventure in Citizenship" Pretty awesome program. 220 youth aged 16-19 from allll over Canada together in our capital city for 4days, finding out what it really means to be Canadian. Between meeting Justin Trudeau, visiting Parliament, the Supreme Court, participating in a Canadian Citizenship Ceremony and making new friends, it was an experience I will never, never forget.  Above all, the trip got me thinking. Here are all these amazing youth, achieving amazing things, with huge dreams and hopes, and most of them had never even HEARD of UWC. It makes me smile in a bittersweet way, but above all, it gives me hope. Hope that I too, will find a way to succeed without the help of a UWC. The chairman of the program, Nabil, said something very wise to me, "It is not a school, a job, or a title that makes you who you are, but the attitude you have. A brilliant man does not have to be King to be a great leader, he just has to have the support and the love of many. You don't need UWC to make you a leader, you already are one." I've had many people say words like this to me, teachers, lifecoaches, friends, family. But it took someone like Nabil, someone I saw as a role model, as a superior over the rest to make it truely sink in. I believe he is right. I do not need UWC to make me a great person, I need determination, drive, motivation and people who believe in me and love me. I already have all of that, so what am I waiting for? As Corinne once said to me when I told her I didn't get into UWC, " One day soon R, you will spread your wings again and fly amongst the clouds. People like you don't stay down for long."

The light inside me, will never be estinguished.

   Well, after two years of waiting... The results are in. Sadly, I didn't get accepted to United World Colleges. It's been over 24hours since I found out, but it still stings.  I know life is about putting yourself on the line, risking everything to achieve your dreams... But what happens when you don't make it? Does that mean that you're not good enough? Everyone around me; my friends, my family, are speechless. They look at me with pity, with confusion. They don't understand it either. They are waiting for me to cry, but I can't cry any longer. They wait for me to scream words of hate and anger, but I feel no anger. They all asume that my inner fire has been estinguished... But it hasn't. Deep inside me, my wick is still alight. It may not be a huge flame right now, but it's still on fire.

  I am not going to dwell on this bump on the road of my life. It is only an obsticle after all. Life will go on, I will continue to put my entire self into everything I do. I will live each day to the fullest, embracing life and the opportunities it gives me. If anything, not getting into UWC will only drive me to do better in life, to exceed others expectations and my own. With or without them, I will make a difference in the world.

  A special thank you to all of my friends and my family, that have been completely supportive while I handled all of this. You guys have been so supportive this whole time, believing in me when I couldn't. Without you guys, I wouldn't even be half of the person I am now. You have always believed in me and all of my dreams. Because of you, I will never give up on my dreams. I love you all so much.

QOTB: Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside of you that is greater than any obstacle.

Let's believe.

I believe,
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe,
That even when you think you have no more to give, when a loved one cries out to you- you will find the will to help.

I believe,
That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe,
That sometimes the person you expected to kick you when you fall down, will be the ones that will help you back up.

I believe,
That true friendship continues to grown, even over the longest distance.

I believe,
That there is someone out there for everyone.

I believe,
That we all have the ability to change someone's life with nothing more than a kind gesture.

I believe,
That we all have the ability to make our dreams come true.

I believe,
That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe,
That the past is behind us, with love in front and all around us.

In the arms of the wind.

  As I sat on the beach tonight, looking at the stars and letting the sand run through my fingers, a smile crept along my face. As I looked out onto the ocean and saw a whale come up for air, my skin trembled. As I listened to the wind sweep through the palm trees, I couldn't help but sigh. I laid back and looked up to the sky. The stars littered the blackened canvas, creating their own patterns within the skies masterpiece. My heart was swollen with content, breathing in the smell of the ocean and exclosing it within my lungs for as long as I could, as if doing so would keep the memory within me forever. I was captured, captured within the illusion this night took me into. Nothing could hurt me , for the stars looked down on me and the wind held me within it's arms. I wish I could have shared it with all the people close to me, all the people that would have been able to understand the magic of that moment.  I wish I could have taken ahold of your hand and whispered in your ear "Come with me, into the arms of the wind."

QOTB: The fragrance always remains in the hand that gives the rose.

We are free.

When I met you, didn't know what to do.
Baby, you just couldn't relate to me.
I said you could leave if you wanted out,
but baby, you stuck around. <3

   Great weekend. The sun was out the entire time. Went down to Matheson Lake and was besotted by the view that awaited me. The lake was beautiful, so still that you could see the surroundings reflecting off it's surface. Sat there for hours, with my journal and my camera... Capturing it all. It was all lovely until Nathan ruined it by jumping off the rope swing. Silly schmuck. He nearly got hypothermic.. Serves him right! Overall, it was a wonderful weekend :)

  Being at the lake got me thinking about how lucky I truely am. I have a family that loves and supports me no matter what happens. I have amazing friends, who understand what im going through, how hard I am going after my goals. They stick by me, no matter how busy it gets. I live in a beautiful country and in a community where I can be who I want to be. The fact that I can be myself without being judge is a blessing in it's self. The only thing missing from my wonderful life is my Nan. I wish I could see her everyday. I wish I could see her and hug her, instead of just talking through the phone. She means the world to her, she believes in my dreams as much as I do. As far as she is concerned, I can achieve anything in life. I know she reads this, so Nan Mary, you are the most amazing person ive ever met. I love you so much and thank you for holding on for me.

 Tonight before you go to bed, I dare you to think of all the great things you have in your life. Whether it be friends, family or just being able to get away without doing your homework, be greatful. We are the lucky ones.


QOTB: Never mind searching for who you are. Search for the person you aspire to be.

P.s attached is a picture I took this weekend :)

The release.

  It was quiet. The only noise that could be heard was the fallen leaves being crushed under your footsteps. You continue walking. The only way of navigation is the light from the full moon that rests above you in the night sky. The wind blows strongly around you, causing goosebumps to arrise on your skin. You pull your sweater tighter around you and speed up. Right now, you are going against everything you know to be right. You know that by doing this, you will be dissapointing those that love you, that are back home tucked into their beds. You should be there too; at home, asleep and safe. You just couldn't help but take the risk though. Being back there was like being burried alive: No one could hear your cries for help and you felt as if the air was being snatched away from your lungs.

   You've been walking for a hour now. So close to your destination that it makes your blood turn hot. No matter how strong your urge is to slow down and take a breath, you keep on going, scared that if you stopped, someone would hear you. Left foot forward, then right, then left. On and on you keep this pattern going, until... You can smell it, before you can even see it. The mixed smell of salt, seaweed and the beach. You let out a breath of ease. Your finally safe. No one will find you or disturb you here. The moons image mirrors on the great sea. The waves mesmorize you, as they crash against the shore. You can almost hear the ocean speaking to you "Come away with me, come away to a place where you can be free." You think of your family, of how they will react when they find you not in your bed. Will they be worried? Will they know where to find you? You shake your head, ridding your brain of those questions and just thinking about the ocean. You kick your shoes off, and slowly walk to the waters edge. A wave hits your foot and sends shivers up your spine, making your teeth chatter but you don't stop there. Within 5steps, the water is up to your waist. There is no turning back now.