Permanent Mask.

  With all the Halloween stuff going on, all the kids running around with their avatar, gladiator, and even the saw puppet masks on, it's gotten me thinking. Do our masks ever really come off? You know the masks that I mean... The ones that we put on when we are too scared to show people who we are, when we want to fit in or we are just ashamed... Ashamed of who we are. This is a question I ask myself over and over again, never being able to fine a steady answer. I think about the people I know; my friends, myself, and I wonder, who is wearing a mask, and who is not? I'm not saying that everyone out there has become accustom to wearing a mask, definitely not, for some of the most amazing people I know are those people who refuse to ever cover up their true selves, but rather let people see them for who they really are.

 I think about people I used to know, people who used to be nothing but themselves. But you and I both know how it works, you meet a new group of people, and in order for them to like you, you change who you are, covering up your true identity. Soon enough, you begin to forget the person who you used to be, focusing only on the person others want you to be.

Think about yourself. Do you ever wear a mask? Do you ever pretend to be something or someone different from who you really are so that you don't get hurt, ridiculed or left alone?Do you ever feel scared of letting people know who you are? Stop hiding who you really are. If you're scared about certain people judging you for your true self, then they are not worth being in your life. Take it off before it's too late... Before you forget who you really are.

Happy Halloween!

Lying amongst the daisies.

I have no idea where this is going to go, so bear with me folks. For those who know me personally, when I get stressed, I tend to get very, VERY random. It’s a disease I swear. But, the cure seems to be rambling to my heart’s content, so like I said, please bear with me.


I had an intervention this week. No, it wasn't like the TV show, where the family gets all emotional and it all ends with the family hugging them, for they are so proud that they are now a changed person. No, it was nothing like that, more of me backing myself into a corner and shouting, “HEY YOU! Sort yourself out!” It was desperately needed I’ll admit but that didn’t make it any easier. Things had been different lately. For the first time in a long time, I felt lost. It’s been tough being back at my old high school ever since this, “Well we don’t want you at UWC!” freak show… Honestly, I think my teachers are disappointed. I used to have such good relationships with my teachers, but now they are always telling me how sorry they are that I didn’t get in and it just makes me uncomfortable. It had gotten to the point that I was so uncomfortable with all the comments people made. It was driving me into a hole and I couldn’t stand it. Luckily, I found refuge in a place I would never have considered looking for it. I didn’t know what to expect when my teacher held me back after class… I was most certainly not expecting to learn a life lesson. As he called me out on my odd behavior for the past couple weeks, I told him everything. The pressures I felt to do well, the embarrassment of being back after having failed, the crisis in my home life. Funny how my teacher was the only person I could really talk to about this stuff. It felt good though, being able to finally let it all go. The great thing about my teacher is that he can say so little but it can mean the world. It really opened my eyes to what I’ve been doing wrong, and how blind I’ve been.

Here is a picture of one of the walls in my room. It’s the wall I wake up facing every morning.. It has all my goals written on it, so that each morning when I wake up, I am reminded of what I’m getting up for. :)